| I've been sitting here for a while, trying to think of a...I don't know, a clever way of talking about this, but I'm not having any wonderful ideas so instead I'll just say that my boyfriend broke up with me this evening. It wasn't exactly a surprise, given the way he's been moping around lately, and in retrospect, it's pretty clear that I've been the only person in the relationship for quite a while. When he tells you, in passing, over an otherwise very nice and romantic dinner that he couldn't ever move in with you because of your little idiosyncrasies that drive him crazy and because he doesn't like your cat, that probably doesn't bode well for the long-term health of the relationship. I also just realized that it was almost exactly two years ago, February 11, that I started this diary because I was pining after some boy. Maybe I've gotten stronger over the past two years, because I haven't gotten weepy over this. Shaky as hell, sure, to the point where I almost dropped my little cup of sake after he left with his garbage bag full of clothes and toothbrushes and hair gel, but not weepy. Maybe it's the fact that I know that I put everything I had into this relationship, and nothing else I could have done would have fixed it. Maybe it's the fact that now I know I'm capable of sharing my life with somebody -- capable of letting them into everything I do, and enjoying it more because they were with me. Hell, maybe I'm still just in a state of shock and I'm going to break down crying tomorrow at the office coffeepot. Whatever. He hasn't been happy with me for quite some time now, for reasons that I don't think I'll ever really understand. And yes, I'm sure you're going to read this, and no, I don't want a fuller explanation. So that's it. I guess this means that no, he won't be attending your dinner party, Miss Rain. And it means that Little Owl and I will be having a fabulous evening together on Valentine's Day. Also, I think I deserve a GIGANTIC fucking chocolate-coated medal for my restraint. Thank goodness for my friends who will curse and spit for me, when I'm trying so hard not to. |
